Private Roleplay  lost myself again // ryan
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Emera she/her
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#1

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The sheet of night laid along the forest floor. It was quiet, this was what she favored. Silence. She could hear approaching steps, distant conversations, far cries. She had the advantage in the night. When the footsteps came too near, and the voices echoes became louder, she could make herself disappear. But she only had this advantage with the help of absolute tranquility during the night.

The years passed, distancing herself from the experience of the abuse she withheld, but the paranoia and trauma remained. They were going to come back for her. She knew it. It was just a matter of when. She waited, each day, every night. She anticipated the arrival, the group that would be sent to fetch her, and bring her back. Then she would receive her punishment for escaping Alteron.

Like they did for Ryan.

Or she could only assume since they'd been separated, anyway. Her heart hurt when she imagined what they'd done to him, past-tense. Because there was no way he was still alive, not after this many years held captive. If he was alive, he would only be a bag of bones, she thought. Alteron didn't find mercy too appealing, she remembered.

She shuddered, leaning closer to the crest of a boulder she hugged against the blowing of the wind.

The moon peaked through the canopies, illuminating the ground floor for her preying eyes. She scoped slowly, processing every swaying bush, every rolling leaf. She would not let any movement go unnoticed.

But she noticed foreign movement, incredibly close before her. She froze, mouth quivering.
Why hadn't she heard them moving before?
How did she miss this?
Her heart was drumming against her chest, her legs felt limp.
She couldn't run from here, they'd see her. They'd catch her.

"Don't move, Emera." The Voice cooed, "Don't you dare move."

She pressed further now against the stone, closing her eyes firmly, clenching her teeth together. Where she normally felt small and insignificant, she now felt large and helpless.

Emera opened an eye, to see that the shadow loomed closer. She emit a shrieking gasp, curling into a fetal position, trying to make herself small again.

"Be small. Be insignificant. But don't you fucking move, girl."

( ooc tidbit )


[Image: 4EtZKcX.png]


PROFILE PINTEREST BIN PLAYED BY VIX

i give up the fight;
LET THERE BE AN END

a privacy,
an obscure nook for me
I WANT TO BE FORGOTTEN
even by God.
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Ryan He
I been unraveling since my birth
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#2
(This post was last modified: November 21, 2017, 12:53:29 AM by Ryan.)





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#29ab87
song inspo
It is there, my dear, where we'll begin again
Skipping stones, braiding hair
Last years antlers mark the trail


Those demons would not take him, they would not clip his wings and toss him into a prison of rotting trees and festering soil. It had been years, those devils had long forgotten his existence, their age old empire had fallen with the sound of a lion's roar, and a bloated, delusional queen attacking her one and only supporter.

He had run like so many others, with the wind on his feet and teeth gnashing at his heels. Ryan didn't make that same mistake again, he was so young then. So new to have to pay his pound of flesh for his first attempt at freedom. They had ripped that boy to pieces, sometimes he still felt the phantom pains of teeth tearing into the soft flesh of his stomach.

His second attempt would be successful. This is for the lions living in the wiry broke down frames of my friends' bodies, this is for the snakes and the people they bite. He was free.

With the night as his cloak, he walked fearless. A scarred, ugly thing of his former self, but freedom dripped with each step he took. It saturated the earth, and he felt powerful. Ryan had been walking for a while, listening to the sounds of skittering feet. They were afraid to be caught and that made him all the more suspicious. There was still that constant paranoia, even after all these years, that he'd be caught and dragged back to that hell.

He trailed the noise tirelessly, anger, fear, something primal and fear building within his chest. His eyes mere pin pricks, he bounded forward when the fumbling paws came to a halt and were instead replaced by an audible thud. Bursting through the thicket, with the sliver of moonlight shining down upon him as he snarled and pinned down the shrieking form, his teeth ready to tear into the anything he could get his mouth around, teal eyes unfocused and menacing. A utter beast, to think a pack could have done this.

But Ryan faltered when heard the whimpers, spittle dripped from his mouth, but he felt like a dragon who's flame had gone out. A beast raked it's claws loudly against his rib cage, frightened. The moon caught her fur and her gray spilled color to his glossy eyes. This was a world where kin attacked kin, for far less than the fears of the past, this would not be this day.  "Em.. Em-Emera.." His mouth sputtered a soft noise, a whisper into the night. He remembered that shivering form, how could he forget? As if the sudden realization hit him entirely. "EMERA?!"

And my nightmares will have nightmares every night.





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Emera she/her
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#3

[Image: KYo6y0k.jpg?1]

   "Be still."
But she cowered, unable to tell if she was hardly breathing or hyperventilating. She felt the pressure of the beast as it had her pinned, she could feel it's hot breath against her cheek. She must have been crying, because she felt damp, and she could feel the gasps of air being choked within her chest. The monster had finally found her, and she was a victim again.

And then it spoke. A real voice, being directed towards her. "Em.. Em-Emera." She looked up towards him, a familiar tone causing her to cease all of her cries. Memorable green eyes held her stare, "EMERA?!" The monster cried, the raise in pitch causing her to jump under him. She noticed he was more relaxed now, not holding quite the offensive stance as he came charging through with.

The quivering returned, this could..
not.. be.
Him.
Could not be.
Ryan.

Her Ryan was taken back as a prisoner in Alteron. Her Ryan would not have let her spend so many nights alone and afraid, her Ryan would have came back. Her Ryan was not alive. He couldn't be.

   "Looks like him,"
"N-n-no." A voice that was not often used was heard to be weak and quiet. The vision of the giant above her became blurred as her eyes welled. She wasn't sure if she could even make the same sounds that his name made up. "R-r-ry..." She breathed, shaking her head as she pulled herself away from him at once. This stranger.

"Is it him, girl?"
"I don't know."

But the moon's light tells it right, as it shone directly on her scar-tattered brother. The green eyes that stared so wildly into hers, it had to be him. Her feelings were awry, unsure of how to react to this sudden realization. But to convince herself further, she took a brave step forward, lifting a weak paw and placing it on Ryan's muzzle. Applying some pressure, only to be sure that this was happening. That this wasn't a ghost before her, or some sick ploy of Alteron to come fetch her. She knew their leaders to be quite deceiving in strategic ways, she wouldn't have put it past them.
But, most of all, it was the warmth of his touch against hers. She could remember him shielding her from her fears, she remembered leaning on him during times of dismay. Reaching for him in the night, she felt that warmth.

Taking the paw back, she reserved a comfortable seat before him. Catching her breath, finally. Finally.

And she lost it again, all at once.
She let herself collapse before her brother, her Ryan, resting her head on his paws.
"Ryan!" She cried.

Where have you been? Why did you leave me? What happened to you?

But none of it mattered, because for the first time in years she did not look behind her back to see if she was being watched.
She felt safe again.
Finally.



[Image: 4EtZKcX.png]


PROFILE PINTEREST BIN PLAYED BY VIX

i give up the fight;
LET THERE BE AN END

a privacy,
an obscure nook for me
I WANT TO BE FORGOTTEN
even by God.
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Ryan He
I been unraveling since my birth
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#4





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#29ab87

Within his own chest he'd felt his heart rise to his throat to choke him, his strong legs trembled like a newborn's, his breath hitched. The two of them quavering before one another and those green eyes of his scanned her grey coat. Unlike him, the grey female was unharmed, though thin, she looked relatively healthy given what they had both gone through. He remembered being so envious of her, being so pained that she could just leave him behind, but he also didn't want her to return. She would've suffered the same fate as him, and he couldn't let that happen.

Not her, please, not her.

Always swift and good at hiding, she made it in this world and there was some pride to be taken from that, they'd been doomed from the start. The odds stacked against them because fate drew a cruel hand for them, but they managed to make it. It was a shitty thing to think that they were the lucky ones, other didn't make it this far.

With shaky legs he'd backed off of her, her rambling to herself left him bewildered, but with the things they'd seen and been through... somehow it was a comfort. Her paw pressed gently against his muzzle and he'd remembered the scars that ripped across his face and stomach all jagged and ugly. Ryan turned away slightly, he wasn't the same brother she had left behind, he was damaged just as her, but in far more ways than one.

A light had gone out the day they lost each other, perhaps even two.

The sudden touch, sent a jolt through his body, eyes snapping back down to her as his paws acted as a cradle for her head. "Y-yeah. It's m-me. It's Ryan." I'm Ryan, I'm Ryan, I'm Ry-. The sentence droned on in his mind like a maddening cacophony, and he found himself inching down to meet her. Nose brushing against her forehead if she'd allow. "Em, I'm sorry." His voice quiet and nearly drowned out by the chirps of crickets. "All this time, I didn't think... I.. couldn't have... I didn't know." He was struggling to find the right words to say now, stumbling to make the sounds and coherent thoughts. "Didn't know you were still alive, that they didn't get you." Like they nearly got me.






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Emera she/her
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#5

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She allowed the world to spin while being cradled in his paws. As his muzzle met her forehead, she let go of an exhale. With it, she let go of stress and fear that was constricting her that night. She listened as he repeated his name like an alarm, waking her up -- but this alarm was comforting. She was begging to wake up from this nightmare she'd been living in, and now it seemed as though it was almost time.

"You really think it'll be over now, girl?"
"Yes, we are safe now." She breathed, still listening to Ryan as he apologized. The end of his voice shared his worries about her being taken, by them. Her eyes shot wide open and she looked over her brother's shoulder quickly, and then behind to look over hers.

Still safe.

"Th-th-th-they didn't-t-t get me. They t-t-t-tried though." Her heart raced just thinking of the terrifying nights she'd experienced during his absence. Pausing briefly she allowed herself to focus on his scars and wounds that he braved. These were new, she remembered her brother being unscathed before. He was once so handsome, and now he was battered. She frowned, here eyes felt heavy. "You-ou weren't so lucky, Ryan..."

Guilt burned at her chest, she stepped closer to him, pressing her face against his neck if he'd let her. Out of habit still, she watched his back. Like she should have years ago. "What.. happened?" She wasn't sure if she even wanted to know, but she felt responsible. She wanted to carry his pain, too. She wanted to feel it with him. She wanted to take his scars, wear them for herself. She wanted to make it all better, make it all go away. She wanted to make up for all of the lost time.

But first, she'd have to know.
"What happened? You left him."


note:




PROFILE PINTEREST BIN PLAYED BY VIX

i give up the fight;
LET THERE BE AN END

a privacy,
an obscure nook for me
I WANT TO BE FORGOTTEN
even by God.
Reply
Offline
Ryan He
I been unraveling since my birth
Nomad
*****
Posts: 8
Pronouns: He














#6





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[Image: 7a91533c429669fb680ecab851ff31d3-daypp3u.png]
#29ab87

Yes, we are safe now. Safe, it was such a foreign sounding word, and one that he'd never thought he'd be able to say and actually feel like it meant something other than some dream that was far out of reach. "Yeah, safe." Of all the times he thought of a near complete moment, he never once thought of it in such a scenario. This could have been any wolf and what would you have done? What did those monster make you do?

You are not your monsters.

Poor Emera, she must have lived her entire life with her belly so close to the ground it was a wonder that it wasn't stained black. Tattered ears pulled back as she stumbled through her sentence and her gave her a lopsided, but reassuring smile. One to egg her on and help balance her. It was their resilience that had seen them through, and though she might think herself weak, Emera was stronger than she ever knew. She mentioned his scars and in that moment he felt like ducking his head. God how he wished that those marks upon his body were gone, how he could rip fur and flesh off alike and just run like some living skeleton, pure bone white. "I wasn't quick enough. I'm okay now though." There was a buckling in his voice, like he had to fight himself just to be able to say 'I'm okay'. That trauma would never go away, no matter what.

He should have tooken pride in his scares, he survived, he was a survivor of his circumstances. However, they were nothing but painful reminders that bared painful phantom pains. Each tooth and nail the cut and gored it's way into him attached itself to his very being.

"What.. happened?"

Vibrant eyes fell to the ground before meeting vivid amber. "I'd rather spare you the gory details." A half hearted smile, it was supposed to be a joke in spite of himself, but he was sure that his sister would not take it that way, not for one bit. "Alteron had forgotten all about me, that place was different the last time I was there. It was... so long ago. I ran the first chance I got and nothing stopped me then. I've been on my own ever since." His mind was still murky on the details, but he'd never forget their escape attempt.

The teeth that found the soft flesh of his stomach and ripped him clean open. 'Don't kill him! DON'T KILL HIM! HURT HIM! Make him wish he'd never ran, but don't KILL him' That sick chanting and then nothing, it was like something clicked within his mind and freedom was once again at the forefront of it. "What happened to you? Did you ever find mom? They won't come after us, Em, we really are safe." I'll protect you.





I belong bodily to the earth
I'm just wearing old bones from those that came first
« aesthetic profile played by: waka »



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